I’ve written before about the carrot in front of the nose thing; music can amost always be better. But I’m realizing something else now. This is probably a big duh to most of you!

It seems a lot of musicians want to be something they are not. Lots of instrumentalists want to be conductors. Some succeed. Conductors and players want to become composers. It’s as if what they (we?) do is never enough.

You can read about Salonen’s retirement and his replacement and included in the article is Salonen’s plan to spend more time on composing. Joshua Bell would like to compose because, as he is quoted, “I’m a violinist, first and foremost, but I do believe the people who are the most immortal are the composers. The man on the street, he knows who Beethoven is, he knows who Mozart is. And I’d like to compose.”

Is that what it’s about, this lack of satisfaction? Is it wanting to be remembered? Or is it that nothing really satisfies completely in the long run?

Or is it wanting to be closer the beginning—if not, as in composing, THE beginning—of the creative process. Playing other people’s music, playing from the page, is a step (at least) away from creativity to some, I think.

For the record, I’m fine with where I’m “at”, even while I struggle with that darn carrot. But oboe playing? It’ll do just fine. 🙂

Ramble ramble. Am I making any sense at all? I think I need a Sunday afternoon nap. Especially after the horrible Giants loss. (And it was a GIANT loss: 10-4. Sigh. Grumble. Moan.)