and by working I mean playing (because I continue to teach through the summer), I begin to doubt my playing ability. I wonder if I really know how to produce a sound with these two skinny pieces of cane. I play with my students, and I even practice, but there is nothing like playing with my colleagues.

Playing Merola was a blessing and it helped, but it was such a short run, and nagging doubts love to reappear as quickly as possible. (Besides, the intonation there was somewhat sketchy, due to circumstances beyond our control.)

So it has been wonderful to get back together with folks this past week and the week before.

Yes, I knew how to put the instruments together. Yes, I remember how to play. Yes, reeds are still a pain. (Ah well, can’t win ’em all! That last one will never go away, I suppose.)

I know it might be unwise to post my fears and foibles here. I wonder if I lose work due to my admissions. But what to do? I just prefer to be frank about the biz. And anyway, I really don’t want to be a job hog. So I try to be happy for the person who landed a gig recently that I thought I would have been offered. Who knows if I might have been offered it, but it seemed likely. But oh well! It doesn’t really help anything to be resentful, and I do believe that things happen for a purpose. So there you go.

More opera tonight. This time it’s a run through so we’ll see how it all goes together.