18. May 2010 · Comments Off on Good Days, Bad Days · Categories: Hearing, Ramble

Yesterday was one bad day. It was so bad, in fact, that I thought about canning this blog.

Yep. Really.

I know, I know, it’s doubtful that I could really do it. It would be kind of like me suggesting I stop eating chocolate, you know? But I was feeling rotten. My vision was bad. My ear was a mess. The vertigo was hounding me. My back hurt so horribly I couldn’t stand up after going out to shop for a very short time. And I thought, “Why am I blogging? It’s too all about me. It’s so self-absorbed. It’s narcissistic. I have nothing more to say anyway.”

Yeah. I was that bummed.

I’m wondering if my “post concert hangover” will be this way from here on out. Because maybe that’s what I had. Today I’m much much better.

BUT …

With all the craziness of my vertigo and my ear, I am still thankful.

I am thankful that the place I am most comfortable is sitting in the middle of an orchestra. (Honestly … my ear doesn’t bother me. I’m not dizzy at all. I feel normal!) I’m thankful that I can still play, and that I can still take great joy in it. I am thankful that having ear issues hasn’t taken my career away. (I’m quite hesitantly thankful that I think I’m playing just fine; I will always wonder about that, of course!) I am thankful that I continue to teach wonderful students and enjoy watching them grow in their musical abilities, both at home and at UCSC.

I’m not sure I would have said any of this yesterday though. And I’m sorry for that. So I’m writing it here now, and the next time I’m feeling low I’ll have to re-read this. It’s a good reminder. I have so much to be thankful for, and a little “ear-itis” isn’t gonna take me down. So there.

So I’ll continue to be my self-absorbed, narcissistic, goofy old self.

You knew that already though, didn’t you? Some things never change.

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