19. May 2010 · 5 comments · Categories: Ramble

(Too Much Information)

So I write here and people worry about me. I don’t mean to do that to anyone. So I guess I’ll start being more cautious about what I write, and password protect things that I think might cause some of you to be worried or concerned. Or just not blog them at all. But, truth be told, I sometimes blog those because it helps sort out what is real and what is imagined, what is worrisome and what is simply me being the typical whiner that I am!

Soooo … to those who need to know …

I’m fine!

Really. I’m just a big whiner at times. The day after a concert is always tough. It’s especially tough when I’ve had solos that have taken a lot of energy. The day after is the let down day. All that energy. All the stress. And then nothing. Nada. Zilch. So my body lets down. My brain can’t handle the non-stress type of day. And I tend to get whiny.

I’m sorry to have worried any of you!


  1. What all of this says to me is that music is still very important to you. (I practice OB/GYN: at least 50% psychiatry for the most part.) When I was a very young and very impressionable college sophomore oboe student, I had the opportunity for a lesson with a respected professional oboisit. I was so pumped. He liked my playing and was encouraging. I commented on what a great life it must be to constantly make music on a daily basis. I was blown away by his response, “Ah, it’s just a job.” He had become cynical and cold. He could still play and played well…it just no longer mattered to him.

    Similarly, I asked my son’s horn teacher which of all the music he has played in his long career would he like to play for his last ever concert. His response, “Hmmmm, I think I would just call in sick.” Again, the connection obviously has gone.

    I can’t say that it hasn’t happend to me as a practicing physician that I don’t feel connected to what I am doing on a particular day, but in the big picture, I still love the practice of medicine. I often wonder if the cynicism of other musicians in my early life hadn’t had an impact on me not pursuing further a performing career.

    I still like to teach and am considering a return to graduate school for music education…I hope I can make an impact on younger players and keep the fire going for them.

  2. Music is incredibly important to me! It brings me such amazing joy … and sometimes pain, considering those pesky reeds … and I really can’t imagine any other life.

    I find it heart breaking to hear some musicians talk, but I sometimes wonder if it’s all a front. Sometimes I think they fear caring TOO much, so they go the other direction. But of course there are some who simply should have stopped playing years ago. That happens in every profession, right?

    Of course we all have our “days” … me included. There are times when what I play drives me bonkers and I get a bit of an attitude. I try hard, though, to avoid that.

    I will confess, though, that I happily waved goodbye to the first English horn solo in the Tchaikovsky Suite. It does feel good to say goodbye to certain solos! 😉

  3. And I saw that wave, too!

  4. Heh. Like I said, it feels so darn good to wave goodbye to certain solos! Hope you enjoyed the wave! 🙂

  5. It made me smile. 🙂