But of course I’ll say it anyway!

The closer I get to a concert, the worse my reeds feel.

Yep. I’m hating my reeds. Tonight I have a recital at UCSC and tomorrow is Opera San José’s opening night for La traviata.

I’m not sure if it’s psychological, or if I really do have worse reeds when I near a concert. I’m guessing it’s the former. But who cares about the why of it all. It just IS, and I have to deal. So today I’m working on reeds, and hoping a miracle occurs. Truth of it is, though, that I rarely trust a brand new reed, and I’m sure I’ll end up dealing with older ones. The recital is only one piece, and I have a reed I think will get me through even though it’s not stellar. I’ve been using three and sometimes four reeds a night for opera, in my continued search for ones that sound and feel good. I don’t have much in the opera, but I do have a one solo and a few other things that are heard that make for scary times if I don’t like my reed(s).

Last night was our final dress rehearsal. I (foolishly?) walked seven miles during the day, and then I had two students. By the time I started the opera my brain was rather fried. I played wrong notes (fortunately in places that no one other than a couple of people around me would notice). I felt unfocussed. I thought I sounded abominable. I realize I’m my worst critic but still ….

Okay … back to reeds now. I just felt the need to vent!