oboeinsight

I was informed by a fellow musician, and then had it verified later on by several others, that I was hired to do a particular job only because of some sort of union grievance that forced the contractor to hire me. It had nothing to do with my playing. This also meant, of course, that someone else had expected to get the job and didn’t, which made me feel rather guilty even while I was grateful for the income.

There’s something humiliating about getting a job that way.

Aside from my two tenured positions, I consider every job a gift. I work very hard at expecting nothing so that these gifts truly are just that and nothing more. But I’m still feeling kind of yucky about this particular job now.

Added Note:
How funny that I just read this quote:
“Humility does not make you better than anyone, but makes you different from many.”

And then it hit me, of course, that I am not really experiencing humility. Humility would go unmentioned by a truly humble person. I’m experiencing embarrassment or humiliation. Humiliation is not humility. So there you go. Another lesson for yours truly.

Never too old for another lesson!

Moving on … the seven week show is over ‘n out (as of Sunday at 5:00) and today I begin Bizet’s Pearl Fishers. I missed yesterday’s orchestra only rehearsal because I was out of town on a much needed bit of a break. It was lovely, but now real life begins again. I’m guessing I’ll still remember how to put the oboe together after three days of no playing. I hope the reeds remember how to vibrate!

I do have to report on my “lessons in humility” … so let’s see … here’s a first one for you, not quite verbatim, but in any case this really is the gist of it:

Colleague: “I’m so sorry about your solo.”

Me: “Huh?” (I was probably not quite so inarticulate, but who knows?!)

C: “Well, that it’s so boring. I wish they’d given you dynamics.”

M: “Um. I am putting in dynamics. If it’s boring it’s entirely my fault.”

C: “Let me see your part.” (Gets quite insistent. I show it to him, it begins with a marking of piano and there is one crescendo much later and that’s it.) “See? They just didn’t give you anything to work with. I’m so sorry.”

M: “But I am putting things in prior to that crescendo. Or at least I thought I was. I guess I am failing to get that across if you can’t hear it. I really thought I was being expressive!”

The colleague proceeds to try and backtrack after this uncomfortable conversation (which actually went on longer than the above. Really.). Before the next show, when I’m climbing into the pit, he says, “AWESOME solo last night!”

Um. Right. Not gonna work like that for me.

At first I was rather (okay, more than rather) upset in a sad sort of way. Later I was just annoyed, as he continued to try and get out of what he’d said. Mostly I kept wondering why anyone would ever say such a thing to another musician. I still puzzle over that.

And mostly I really really hope I wasn’t boring!

So there’s my little lesson in humility for the day. But of course I’m not being quite honest when I say that because I’m not sure anything will ever keep me humble. So I suppose it’s more of a lesson in embarrassment or something. Hmmm ….