John Man, young oboist and dapper party companion, was thrilled to tell reporter’s about his latest reed.
“I make reeds,” he said. “This reed I made is my best reed that I made, even better than the reed I made yesterday, which was the best reed I had made until I made this reed.”
Man says that nothing gives him quite the same satisfaction as sitting down with his tray of tiny knives, ready to embark on a vigorous session of high-stakes whittling. “I don’t just make reeds; I craft the future.”
From a site with a bunch of spoof articles … including this one:
Aunt Sally, a sweet and caring pensioner from a sleepy English town full of small shops, went to see a lunchtime concert held by music students at her local church last week. Though she liked the concert, particularly the pieces by Beethoven, Mozart and Schubert, she was very disappointed with a new piece written by a famous living composer.
“It was all very plinky plonky,” she said. “Also, though I love vertiginously sparse chordal textures and enchanting serial manipulations as much as the next girl, I really feel we have had more than enough pulseless explorations of atmospheric timbral effects and we could do with a more vigorous sense of musical narrative and cogent thematic development.”