14. May 2018 · Comments Off on Feeling Anxious · Categories: Ramble

All morning long I had been feeling anxious. I couldn’t figure out what was up: I have no rehearsals or performances this week, so nothing to stress about when it comes to work. Today is my day off, and I was spending it getting a few tasks done and taking a nice long (8 mile!) walk. Still, I just felt as if I’d forgotten something or left something unfinished. Then later today a friend asked me how I was feeling since I’d had that bout of what I can only assume was food poisoning.

Ah-hah! That helped me figure it all out.

I am feeling anxious because I didn’t finish a job! Playing two rehearsals but no performance left me with this feeling of having left something undone.

I can tell you it’s not a good feeling.

Getting back to rehearsals and performances next week will probably be very good for my well-being. I needed closure and never got it. It will be good to move on.

13. May 2018 · Comments Off on About Last Night · Categories: Ramble

After finishing the two rehearsals for Bach’s St. John Passion I was feeling quite ready to do the performance last night. I love the duet for two oboes in it, and playing that with Ryan Zwahlen was working really well. We seem to be a good match!

About three or maybe four hours before the performance was to begin I was suddenly very ill. Ill enough to know that it would be more than unwise to attempt to play. I quickly texted Ryan and he, wonder person that he is, found a sub in record time.

Taking something off like that is so very difficult for me. I was, literally, in tears. I hate bagging work. It’s not about the money, although of course we don’t get paid if we don’t work. It’s about making the music. It’s about letting an entire orchestra (and in this case choir) along with the conductor down. It’s about thinking I somehow caused myself to get ill. It’s me feeling like a total failure.

My head tells me this is a bunch of bunk. My heart still hurts.

But I stayed home, and I know it was the wise choice. No one wants the principal oboist throwing up on stage, or runny off stage if she has time. Right?

Oh but I so wanted to play that work.


13. May 2018 · Comments Off on Sunday Evening Music · Categories: Sunday Evening Music

Lutkin: The Lord Bless You and Keep You
Capital University and Alumni

13. May 2018 · Comments Off on Sunday Morning Music · Categories: Sunday Morning Music

James MacMillan: Data Est Mihi Omnis Potestas
Missouri State University Chorale; Cameron F. Labarr, Conductor

11. May 2018 · Comments Off on For Your Listening Enjoyment · Categories: For Your Listening Enjoyment

Eriks Esenvalds: Ancient Prairie (2015)

State Choir Latvija
M?ris Sirmais, conductor
Ilze Zari?a, violin

The Ancient Prairie – Bai Juyi (772-846)

The prairie overflows with the grass’ s rolling billows,
As the year comes and goes, it withers and grows.

The wild fire can never bum it out of view,
When the vernal breeze arises, it appears anew.

Its balmy odors drifts across the path time-worn,
Its luster of green extends to the town forlorn.

Again as I see my friend along the road depart,
I feel the grass is deep in sorrow as my heart.?

06. May 2018 · Comments Off on Sunday Evening Music · Categories: Sunday Evening Music

Bruckner: Os Justi Meditabitur
University of Utah Chamber Choir; Barlow Bradford, Conductor

06. May 2018 · Comments Off on Sunday Morning Music · Categories: Sunday Morning Music

James MacMillan: Lux Aeterna
NOTUS; Carlo Vincent, Conductor

03. May 2018 · 2 comments · Categories: vocal

I’ve been enjoying vocal music this morning. It helps my heart when I’m down. It helps when it’s not down, too! I don’t have a good voice (my siblings were blessed with great voices. I was blessed with an oboe reed, I guess.) but I still like to sing. No one needs to hear me … I can sing in my house and in my car and I’m just fine with that.

This song is usually done by children, but I like this video because it includes all ages. This is the Young People’s Chorus of New York City™, Francisco J. Núñez, Artistic Director/Founder and New York Choral Society John Daly Goodwin, Music Director with Jim Papoulis, Piano.

(As I was watching another video of all young people singing this song I was reminded of how important my teaching can be — how I need to be careful with my words and I must listen to students more attentively. It was a good reminder. One I must heed daily.)