I just got a note from one of my performing groups. As all of you know, everyone is worried about the fate of classical music. Tickets don’t sell well. Audiences are looking mighty old. Orchestras are constantly thinking of gimmicks. One orchestra recently put out a “teaser” calendar — musicians posing in seductive ways. Rigggghhht. That’ll do it. (Why, oh why, do we always jump on an OLD bandwagon; the risqué calendar thing is so last year. Sigh.)

Anyway, this group I’m in has a new idea.

They have asked all the single members of the orchestra to see if they can’t hook up with another single member of the orchestra. Then they have suggested that, should the pairings work out, they would PAY for the wedding. The thing is, the wedding would be “one for all” … every couple marrying would wed in the newly refurbished California Theatre at the same ceremony. The remaining orchestra members would play for them. Obviously it would be a wedding ceremony of many faiths, as well as no faith at all. Obviously there are kinks to work out. But still … that would draw in the press and crowds, I think.

They’ve also suggested that any married couples who would like to renew their vows (there are several orchestra couples) may do so. That’s sweet of them to include them, don’t you think?

Anyway, I’m sure if they can get this off the ground it’ll sell very well, and all our problems will be solved.

Oh … they did suggest that the sexier the wedding gowns, the better. They sent a few photos of very revealing dresses. They even showed men in tight leather pants.



  1. terminaldegree

     This is an April Fools joke, right? Please tell me it’s a joke. 🙂

  2. Patricia Mitchell

    Would I JOKE about this? Shoot … I’ve already told my husband (of nearly 30 years) that he’s history and I’m gonna marry a fiddle player.


    Does that clue you in? 😉