03. May 2005 · Comments Off on More on TAFTO · Categories: imported, Ramble

… and it happens to be my little write up. Fun!

So of course I’ve been thinking about this more.

I’m an introvert. A pretty extreme introvert, in fact. But I come out of my shell when I have an oboe in hand. I even come out of my shell when I’m just talking about oboe, or about music in general. I also escaped the shell when I did my “Contemplative Christmas” programs which included music and poetry … and I actually wrote and recited some of that poetry! I sure miss those days! But back to the subject at hand … I wish there were a way to get to mingle with the audience. I wish we had less formal concerts where we actually talked a bit to audience members.

Wouldn’t it be kind of cool to be able to tell them “This next piece is really difficult. It scares me a lot. I have this exposed part and sometime that first note … well … I’m always worried that it won’t come out! But I have to make it sound easy or you won’t be comfortable. And if I blow it I can’t let you know so I have to look like I’m just fine with what I just did.” Or to actually confess “Sometimes I think, “This is it. I’m going to walk off the stage now. I’m just going to do it. I’m tired of being stressed.” Or, especially to say, “This piece makes me cry. But I can’t cry when I play because that doesn’t exactly work, so I’m crying inside. It’s so beautiful it just makes me ache. It’s so full of glory (or passion, or angst, or joy, or, or, or …) and words can’t come close to expressing what it does to me.

I remember listening to a recording of a work with a friend once. The piece got to a certain absolutely wondrous point and the friend grabbed my arm and squeezed it, HARD, and then said, “Do you hear that? DO YOU? Is that incredible? And I did hear it. And it was incredible.

That’s what I want audiences to get.

So maybe I need to sit in the audience sometimes and squeeze someone’s arm.

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