Okay … frustrating rotten evening … I’m all about honest posting, so you get to hear (well, read) me freak out on occasion. I hope this blesses you in some special way.

We rehearsed the Mozart’s Violin Concert #5 tonight. Not a huge deal for second oboe really. But when we began I couldn’t find the pitch to save my life! My ears are acting up again; it’s reminiscent of when I was low on iron. (I’m hoping it’s not another iron issue.) I feel as if I’m in a bubble, or maybe my ears need popping. But of course nothing makes them better. This really makes me nuts with pitch. I seem to lose my center. So I’d hear something and adjust but whatever I’d do was clearly very wrong. Truth be told, I was horribly embarrassed. I hate being embarrassed because I think my colleagues are just horrified by my playing. It’s really demoralizing. Sigh.

After the break I had managed to get my bearings by playing with the principal oboe and trusting my instincts more. So I at least ended on a better note (pun sort of intended and when people say “pun not intended” I think they are lying). But still … now I’m in panic mode. And I absolutely hate panic mode.

I think I need to crawl under some nice warm blankets and rest. Tomorrow is a two service day. I hope it’s not a two service humiliation day.