oboeinsight

So I’m home.

We had opening night, although it just doesn’t feel like opening night when it’s on a Tuesday.

It went fine, although there are two places (solos) that are incredibly difficult for me and it’s not about the notes.

I think the show sounds as if it is appealing to the audience, although they don’t laugh as much at some of the things that crack me up.

I think the show went very well on stage, although I can no longer see a speck of it because the partially net-covered pit had a black covering added to it today so the bit of a view I used to have is entirely gone.

And, finally, I know I should go to bed immediately, although I also know I won’t.

It’s just difficult to sleep when one is rather wound up.

As I just wrote at my other site … I’m too tried to breathe. At least that’s the way it feels. I still have two students to teach today, though, and then it’s opening night for Beauty and the Beast.

I know some of my symphony colleagues think I’m a little off, since I like doing shows, but whatever. And a doubler once sat by me as I was playing a show and when I finished he looked at me in a somewhat astonished way and said, “You really care about this stuff, don’t you?” I responded in the affirmative and he went on to say my symphony colleagues would have no respect for me AND if I cared too much I’d be more upset about mistakes and it would zap me of energy.

Well, too bad. I care. I care a lot. I want my playing to be musical. I want to have do my best no matter what I’m playing. I want to feel connected to the music, and I hope to cause listeners to react when I get those fun little “make ’em cry” solos. And yes, if I make a mistake I still care. When i stop caring I hope I stop playing.

But mostly I hope I never stop caring.

Now I’d better rest up so I have energy to teach and play. 🙂