Is it the reed? Is it the oboe? If it’s the reed, it’s a multitude of reeds, since I played on four different reeds through this 2 hour and 50 minute night. so I’m thinking it’s the oboe.

The first act was okay. Not great, but only because I wasn’t quite comfortable with the reed I thought was the answer to war and hunger and all that. The second act was all right (which isn’t quite as good as okay). But between the second and third acts my oboe just felt funny and it was downhill from there. Because I wasn’t comfortable.

I doubt the audience knew, but who cares, eh? I want to be comfortable, and when I’m not comfortable nothing else matters. I’m just that self-centered. Just like Mr. Onegin. 😉


  1. I have pretty much always evaluated any performance I’ve been involved with by how well I did personally, even though only two were ever even remotely about me (i. e. “that was a good show” means I didn’t miss as many notes as usual).

    And I really don’t even like to think about those two (major cringe-time anymore) – but it seems like if I’m doing badly (relatively) everything’s bad, if that makes any sense at all.

    I like to think that the worst I’ve played is not nearly as bad as I think it was, even though it’s not nearly as good as I know I could have done, does that make sense?

    Wow, least comforting statement ever…but I’m hoping people will understand…

  2. You make perfect sense, Tim, and I fully understand.

    It has always been helpful for me to go to concerts myself and realize how much less I matter than I think! It’s humbling too, of course. Try as I might, though, I still can’t relax with that knowledge. I suppose that’s good; I’d hate to not care any more, and I’d hate not to want to do my best throughout a work.

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