I wrote this on Twitter last night. I believe it to be true. I’m a decent player. I know that. (Despite my worry that I’m just faking it and/or people are being nice.) But I’m dispensable. I know that, too.

Something I was reminded of this week: I AM dispensable. I won’t be missed. And I’m okay.

It’s okay to realize this. I think it’s healthy. There are always people out there ready to take a player’s spot. (There are numerous people, in fact, and I always ache for those who don’t win an audition. It’s a rough life!) And okay, perhaps some will miss me … but what I mean by that bit is that the person taking my position will do very well and the English horn (or oboe) playing won’t be missed. It will still be there. And it will be good.

I’m not, by the way, saying I’m retiring. It just hit me (again), as I sat in the Symphony San Jose audience, that we all come and go.

Oh … but in other news … I was yakking (well, texting really) with a friend last night and we were going over who has been in the orchestra the longest (if we include San Jose Symphony in the mix). I’m number three, I do believe. THREE. First is Bob Weil (’65), then Galen Lemmon and Victoria Morton (both ’72), and then yours truly (’75).

For some reason I am now feeling very, very old. Hah!

Young me (but after I cut my hair: when I began it was waist length, as I was reminded the other day!):