03. May 2009 · Comments Off on The Ears Say No · Categories: Hearing, My Virus Story, Ramble

I thought I’d get to church today, but the ears have said no. Sound still hurts, and I’m just not up to dealing with how they might feel when they have to deal with amplification and hymns and all. And here I thought today would be The Day. Oh well.

Tomorrow I have symphony. Tomorrow I will go to symphony for our first rehearsal. Tomorrow I will wear earplugs if necessary to deal with the sound. Today I will attempt calm and happy thoughts and maybe put on the Giants game if I can stand the sound. (If not, I can watch Gameday on my computer and have no sound at all, aside from the constant ringing in my ears and outside noises.)

Having hearing issues certainly makes me realize how wonderful hearing is, and how much I take it for granted. (Okay, okay … lesson learned. May I have my ears back now?)

I went to YouTube, to see if I could post something beautiful and worshipful here for readers/listeners. Hmmm. I can’t enjoy the music at this point, wouldn’t you know? Tomorrow you will be getting Shostakovich Symphony No. 9, whether I can enjoy it or not! And I may still find something to put here today, even if I can’t truly enjoy it. Yet.

I do hope I don’t sound too whiney … and I apologize if I do. Truly, I am not a total basket case. I’m not horribly depressed. I am merely a tad frustrated at this point.

02. May 2009 · Comments Off on This Is My Brain Right Now · Categories: Hearing, Links, My Virus Story, Ramble

FALMOUTH teenager who failed to let major surgery stand in her way, will be living a dream in September when she takes up a place at the Royal College of Music.

I read that as “Foul mouthed teenager …” and wondered why they thought it was so great that a foul mouthed teenager would be living her dream.

The real story is rather interesting (a ribcage growing inward?!), and she must be pretty good to get into RCM.

In other news…
I am gradually improving, but the ears are not behaving well at all. I wish someone had been in the room with me just now to confirm that the background music in the two radio ads I just heard really was completely distorted, because I don’t know if it’s the radio or my ears. I DO hope it’s the radio! The voice was fine, it’s just the music that was distorted. Odd, eh? Still, I know my hearing is messed up. I taught one oboe lesson this morning (Surprise! An oboe student I had canceled was at my door at 9:45! Not a big problem … just unexpected.) I’m pretty used to the dizziness, but my hearing issue is much more distressing.

I’m listening to the Giants game because it’s not on the tube. (Rats! I’d rather see it, since I can trust my eyes better than my ears right now.)

I’m feeling sorry for myself. And yeah, I hate this virus. And no, I don’t feel like it’s getting better fast enough. And yeah, the ears are still bad. And no, I didn’t enjoy the latté I finally made because I guess my taste buds are off too. And yes, I have students tomorrow. And no, I doubt I can teach.

So what does my computer have to say about this?

Check it out. (Click play, of course!)

Okay. I’ll behave myself now. I promise. Stay tuned for better blog entries about something other than me, me, me.

01. May 2009 · Comments Off on Sound Hurts · Categories: Hearing, My Virus Story, Ramble

I was just about to make myself a latté. This is a good sign, as it means my body is feeling a bit better. Yesterday I didn’t even crave one. Not one bit.

But then it hit me.

I might crave a latté, but I can’t make one!

Sound hurts. A lot. I was unloading the dishwasher and every time an object tapped another my ears hurt. When I put the dishes on the shelf my ears hurt. So what would the steamer do but kill me? Hmmm. Maybe I’ll try earplugs for now.

This virus is not fun. My dizziness is still here, but I’m going to see if I can get away with not taking the anti-nausea medication since it makes me so groggy and I want to be able to teach tomorrow. (But can I teach? Will the sound of oboe kill my ears?)

The ear issue is hard to describe. It feels as if my ears are plugged … the way they feel when I’m driving over “the hill” to get to UCSC. But while sound seems muffled, it also is harsher and louder. Yeah, I know, that doesn’t make sense! But there you go.

I’m not a good patient. I’m a very impatient patient. I just want to get this over with!

And the answer is: Labyrinthitis.

Yes. I have a balance disorder. Why does this very sick mind enjoy reading that and nearly laugh (but I refrain, because I still ache).

And yes, I have tinnitus. And I hate it. I’ve had hearing issues for a while which is no surprise with my job, but this is really miserable.

So back to web silence for now. Some of you have written and I do thank you for your concern!

For the first time in my career — at least as far as I can remember — I had to call in sick for a performance. It takes a lot for me to do that. But … if a person can’t walk without throwing up, and that walking looks like a drunk walk, it’s probably best to stay home. And stay home I did. Last night was one of the worst nights in my life.

I called a good friend and wonderful musician to line him up so our personnel manager didn’t have to stress too much. I hate stressing people out. I hope things went okay … I’m sure they did, what with Mike playing!

Today I’m still suffering from vertigo and I’m still not well, but at least I can walk a few steps and back.

Now it’s back to bed with me. Any blog posts you see here were scheduled earlier (I can’t remember if I scheduled some and I can’t take the time to check … I have to close this computer before it makes me ill; the screen make my stomach feel yucky, believe it or not.)